Just several years ago, I painted a mandala that I absolutely LOOOOOVED.
And there was this moment in the not-so-recent-past (last weekend), where I was invited to 'Rise Above' with my mentor and dear soul sister, Whitney Freya, and paint my wings (You might be familiar with the beautiful angel wings of artist Colette Miller, whose brilliant work could be seen in cities around the world, for The Global Angel Project).
I was called to paint BIG. As I looked around my studio to see what I could find, my eyes immediately rested upon my gorgeous mandala painting.
The (left-brain) thoughts started barreling into my brain...my ego was taking over...
"It's so prettttty...I don't want to ruin it.
But, I use it all the time for the background, for my video interviews...what am I going to use now??
People love that painting...I always get compliments on it..."
AND THEN my muse decided to pop in for a quick throw down:
"This is it Dez. You wanted to EXPAND to feel that sense of ABUNDANCE and FLOW...here's your chance to practice this on your canvas. Practice what you preach, girl. Go BIG..."
So I'm in the process of painting over this beautiful mandala that's been part of my life...letting go of perfectionism is hard, especially having a designer's mindset, where everything has a specific place, purpose and function.
As a mom (of now a toddler that pretty much rules my life with 24/7 hours of spontaneous wild-child energy), I've been practicing the art of detachment with a whole new set of eyes.
I *thought* that for many, MANY years that I embodied the gift of what it truly means to be laid back. I once had that gift of being ZEN (and like to think that I've still got it).
So in honoring 'what was' and inviting in 'what is becoming', I paint. In honor of a definition of what freedom looked like (externally) to what freedom REALLY means (internally), I am ready to go BIG.
To LET GO of what used to define me and open up to a life that is SO much bigger and meaningful than I have ever imagined.