The reason why I'm sharing this quote, is because I have been on a quiet and blissful, yet deep and transformative journey with this new motherhood thing.
Granted, it has taken me a whole 2-3 years to finally come back to normal (whatever that means)...well, you know, like finally doing all the regular things, like going out to do FUN stuff...seeing your girlfriends, seeing your career gain traction again, taking regular showers AND glamming up (which, for me BTW, means a tiny bit of mascara and lip gloss...yeah, mama!)
But, more importantly, the reason why I'm sharing this is because I wanted to use this as a reminder that:
1) We are all humans (doing the best that we can do to survive),
2) No matter who we are or what we do (and whether you are a mother or not), each of us experiences different 'seasons' in our lives, and
3) We are always evolving into something new.
Something happens when you try to live up to a certain image (aka 'following The Jones'), where we live in digitally social world where our lives are curated, and if you aren't living up to Pinterest standards, well you kinda feel like, f*ck, what now?
With that said, I've been finally giving myself permission to have some breathing room (like, MAJORLY), as I dance through both worlds of motherhood, entrepreneurship, and being a compassionate, loving wife...without losing my sh*t.
For a desperate moment, I found myself striving to be the most attentive mamma to my little one and get back into the world of online marketing so that I could automate, automate, automate. Tighten up my funnels. Get my systems in place. Show up to all the masterminds. Create new programs. Serve my clients. Support the family business. Support my husband. Be a good wifey. Cook all the meals. Get back to dancing, surfing, self-care...all the stuff you're supposed to do to make you feel like freakin' Wonder Woman (which, I haven't had the pleasure to see, yet, because look how busy I am, people).
You get the picture.
And then it dawned on me.
I never fully gave myself a chance to become a MOM, like really, really, really embrace what it truly means to be a mother. A mother to this beautiful love-child, who wants nothing more than to hang out with me. How friggin' lucky am I? I've got a mini BFF who is truly coming into her own right now, and all she wants is all of my love and attention (and milk).
The first two years of mamahood pretty much looked like this:
Boom. Kirra is born.
Survival mode for the first year.
Hire an amazing nanny the second year to help with the survival stuff.
Try to get back to work.
Try to get back to 'normal'.
Try to get back to the 'old Dez' back (how naive was I?)
Realized that maybe I wasn't put on this planet to be super-stay-at-home-career-mom (all of you Pinterest-worthy mommy bloggers set the bar high)
Realized I don't have to be a super-stay-at-home-career-mom
And amidst the late-nights and self-imposed identity crises, my lovely husband, who truly has been my constant (if you've ever been a fan of the series, 'Lost', you'll know what I'm talking about), comes up with the most simplest of brilliant plans:
"Why don't you just go back to spending time with Kirra full-time and paint?"
Mkay. </insert a million heart emojis here>
All of a sudden, a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders (you know, like when you go backpacking for 11 miles straight in the blistering heat with 27 pounds of gear, and as you stop to rest in the cool-night air, you take your pack off and in an instant you're like, "Man, I feel like Neil Armstrong").
So that's why I've been away. And that's the plan.
To PLAY and CREATE. To fully embrace motherhood with deep presence, ease, and grace...and to take things slooooooow.
With that said, I am going to do this the best way I know, which is making a creative journey out of it.
Stay with me here, I'm switching gears for a moment...